I'm 22!: Recap of the Last Year

Recap

This last year would have to be the worst year of my life and some may see it as the best. What has happened to me in one year, in most cases, has not happened to people in their entire lives...especially 21 year olds. In a 5 month period I was in the hospital at least 4 times, platelets below 4, 000 many times, diagnosed with Mixed Connective Tissue Disease and ITP, had multiple platelet and blood transfusions, kidney failure, and daily flare ups. I have gone through chemotherapy and take at least 7 pills a day. I was only 21...and my doctors tell me not to stress? Yea right. In the midst of all that craziness I managed to meet the love of my life and now I'm going to get married. After the storm the sun will shine.

There's not a day that goes by that I don't feel broken. I look back at the things that I used to be able to do such as color guard, marching band, swimming for long periods of time, shot put, discus, etc. Then I realize that the way things are now I would have never been able to do those things. Sometimes I still wonder why this had to happen to me. This is such a lonely disease. Even though people around you try to understand...they never will. Sometimes you will feel like you are complaining way too much so you don't express everything that is bothering you. There have been times when I have felt like stopping ALL of my medication...cold turkey. Everyday I feel like a pill popper. I feel like my medication is my life line. No one knows what is best for you except you. No one knows what you are going through except you. You will feel like you have lost some people in your circle because they have turned their backs on you. You will be disappointed and some will make you proud. Your eyes will be opened to the capabilities of some people and you will be shocked. Your close and distant circles will stress you out to the max and not realize it. Do not dwell on the past because that will only cause stress. Learn and keep moving forward. Do not continue to bring it up. Life will happen!  But always remember...the strength to survive comes from within...do you want to live?

Sometimes you may want to keep things to yourself or deal with it alone...that's perfectly fine. Just don't do everything alone. It gets to a point where you feel like you are complaining EVERYDAY and may feel like a burden or that your pain will cause pain to the people close to you. Just keep telling yourself that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel you are traveling through.

If I can make it through these trials and tribulations then I am here to tell you that you can too! Regardless of what you are going through...you will shine through. Keep reminding yourself that you will make it!

Birthday

Those of you who know me know that birthdays are very important to me. In 22 years I have had 21 celebrations. What? That doesn't add up! I know. I did not celebrate 22 the way you are use to me celebrating. My best friend/little sister took me to lunch and gave me an amazingly crazy gift. My fiance gave me a beautifully over-sized card. Some people forgot and some people remembered. Those who forgot...it was possibly because I didn't make a big deal about it as I usually do. So what did I do that day? I went to work and then home to sleep early. Woke up the next day and had a excruciating flare up but remained in good spirits. All I could think of that day was that I was alive. So many times this past year...the devil has tried to prevent that from being a reality. It could have been a more depressing day...my loved ones could have been visiting me somewhere else...but I chose to fight. I am here because He gave me the choice to fight or give up. This is a decision you have to make everyday. There have been days that I have wanted to just give up, but instead I chose to fight.

I don't care how old you are...you have NOT accomplished all that you are capable of. So keep fighting. What I am fighting is a lifelong fight...so I am learning to live with this everyday. We may not be fighting the same illness....your illness may not be chronic...but we will learn to fight for our lives...together!

REMEMBER: When you replace "I" with "we" even illness becomes wellness! Live life to the fullest!