I am 22 years old and I have been through hell and back! Life has not been nice to me over the last year....but I am a lucky one! Over the last year I have heard of so many people losing their lives fighting this horrid disease, but I am still alive. Before my diagnosis I knew absolutely NOTHING about Lupus...rarely even heard it's name. But here I am fighting for my life everyday.
Some people may see Lupus as a minor thing because you can't look at someone and just know that they are suffering from it. Lupus is a mysterious disease. Many people who know me think that I only have Lupus, but I don't! I have Mixed Connective Tissue Disease meaning I have multiple autoimmune diseases. Lupus is the one I suffer from daily. I also have Raynaud's syndrome which leaves me with excruciating pain in my hand. I do not have proper circulation in my hands...especially my right hand. Randomly my hands or fingers will turn blue or purple. I also have a mild form of arthritis and levoscoliosis of the lumbar region. Levoscoliosis is when your spine curves to the left.
Many people have lupus (1 in every 250), but everyone's experience is different! No 2 cases are the same! This is the story of my life! Everyone deals with their story however they choose and if you have a loved one going through this....let them deal how they want. Just be there!
Recently on my Facebook I asked for my friends and family to ask me questions for my blog. That way I could answer their questions and share with all of you!
Someone very close to me asked "How do you continue to stay so strong and smile no matter how you feel?
Yes, I am strong even if I have a breakdown. Am I strong everyday? No! But I am NEVER weak! I rarely show how I really feel. I smile through my pain in public! There is never a morning when I wake up with absolutely no pain. I always lay in bed encouraging myself to get up and push through. There is NEVER a time I get up out of a chair and don't feel some sort of pain, but if I do not get up who will get up for me. I hold back tears EVERYDAY because I do not deserve this life. One thing I do know is that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. My reason may not be 20/20 clear just yet but it is blurry...just need to focus it.
Having a support system is great but they will never understand what you are truly battling. Sometimes fellow lupies won't understand completely. Lupus is an extremely lonely disease. Before my life COMPLETELY changed last year, I can not recall a time where I was even remotely depressed. Ever since this life changer...I can tell you the last time I went through some sort of depression. Every month I have a low point, but I also have high points. Yes, I will go through depression...my life is a rollercoaster...but will I stay depressed? NOT AT ALL
So how do I do it? I do NOT have a choice because NO ONE will do it for me. I only have 2 choices now...to fight or not to fight. If I fight I can make it in life to points that people take for granted such as getting married, having kids, making a difference, etc. If I don't fight, Lupus will take control of my body sooner and I won't see those things happen in my life. I have lost many friends and people I considered family over the last year because they chose not to understand or just did not care. Did I let that get me down? No! That simply reassured me that they were not meant to be in my immediate circle or support system. Life is not perfect for me and I would not wish my life on anyone but these are the cards I was dealt so I am playing to win!
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